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| Most people seem to believe that if two or more people are speaking the same language — English, French, German, whatever — then they're communicating. Not true. You see, to communicate means to convey to another exactly what’s in (or on) your mind. Strictly speaking, then, communication per se is impossible. But you can get close. Here are some rules for helping you do that. |
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| This site is for scuba divers
only, looking to explore the depths. It's not for surfers
looking to skim the water's surface.
You see, scuba divers can be taught; surfers can only be entertained. And I am a teacher, not someone whose mission in life is to amuse others, although I'm told I can be very funny at times. But please know that this site will do more for you in the long run than will most “cool” (in quotation marks because I haven't the foggiest notion what that word means except in the context of temperature) sites. In this regard, my philosophy is much like President Reagan's when he made the observation that if you feed someone by giving him or her a fish to eat, you'll have to give that someone a fish every day. But if you teach that someone how to fish, then he or she will be able to feed him or herself from then on without help from anyone. I can teach you how to (1) correctly analyze and digest information, (2) think clearly and innovatively using that information, and (3) effectively communicate the results of that thinking to others. If you learn these skills — and you can, believe me, if you want to — not only will you be able to feed yourself every day, but you'll be able to put on a banquet at the same time and feed others as well until they, too, learn how to “fish.” You have my word. Now to continue. |
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| In choosing words to convey your thoughts to an other, use adjectives and adverbs to clarify rather than to hype, slant, or bloat. Favor the concrete over the abstract, the familiar over the unfamiliar. In short, strive to inform rather than to deceive, to illuminate rather than to obscure. |
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| Speak from knowledge rather than from word information. If you haven’t experienced it, you don’t know what you’re talking about. |
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| Avoid projecting intangible characteristics into persons, plants, animals, and things. Also avoid making statements that cannot be tested. There are two benefits to this rule: you avoid unproductive arguments and you avoid deceiving yourself. |
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| Don’t make what sound like factual statements unless you are confident that they are indeed factual. Don’t make inferential statements unless you are confident of the accuracy of your premises and of the soundness of your reasoning. Don’t make judgmental statements unless they are based on your own experience. And try to avoid offering opinions altogether. As Voltaire observed: Opinion has caused more trouble on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes. In any event, always identify for your listener the form of your assertion when making it. |
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| During a conversation, frequently check the meaning of key words with the other person. If you don’t, it’s highly likely that neither of you will be talking to the other but rather at the other. |
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| Avoid beginning sentences with “Everyone knows. . . ” “It’s a fact that. . . ” and other such unjustified assumptions. You may not qualify to be a regular on a TV talk show, but you will qualify to be a regular with your family, friends, and co-workers. |
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| Avoid jargon, buzz or vogue words, euphemisms, ethnic and cultural transplants, and cliches. Use idioms sparingly and only if they’re not trite. Never leave a comparative or superlative hanging in mid-air. Use analogies, metaphors, and similes where appropriate; they can approximate thoughts and feelings better than other word-forms can. |
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| Avoid all fallacies of logic when engaged in an argument, discussion, or debate. You may win the battle if you use them, but you most certainly will lose the war. |
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| Never quote a critic; it’s like quoting an adult male on what it feels like to bear a child. |
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| Use measurements and simple arithmetic where appropriate; they can help you better understand what’s happening. But avoid using statistics; they have nothing to do with the real world. |
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| Respond to a “What does it (a given word) mean?” question first by pointing to the appropriate referent. (The referent of a word is that which you intend it to stand for.) If there isn’t one available, describe in concrete words whatever it is that you intend the word to represent. And if that doesn’t do the job, use an operational explanation of how you think it (the referent) works. Use a synonym only as a last resort. But if you do, don’t delude yourself that the other person will understand what you’re trying to tell him; it’s highly likely that he won’t. |
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| Avoid using labels. The trouble with labels is that once you label something there is a tendency to think that you know all there is to know about that something. You don’t. Talk about process instead. It’s a better alternative. |
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| Don’t string words together as you would string beads together. Beads are things, while each word is the skin of a living thought. Use at least as much care in selecting words to express yourself as you would in choosing herbs and spices when cooking. The right choice in both cases will mean the difference between a love offering and an offering of bile. |
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| Don’t strive to impress others with the size of your vocabulary or with the quickness with which you can put words together; strive instead for sincerity and clarity. You’ll be a clearer and more open, honest, and sincere communicator for it. Besides, anyone who is impressed by big words or obscure passages is not worth impressing to begin with. |
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| Use verbal language the way you use the language of algebra – i.e., make clear what you intend each symbol (word) to stand for. |
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| Don’t parrot. Offer others only what you have thought through on your own. You may not be popular with the crowd, but your integrity will remain intact. |
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| Don’t express yourself in monochrome; life isn’t that way. Indeed, no two things in the Universe are exactly alike. So if you say everything is great, then nothing is great. And if you say everything is a ripoff then nothing is a ripoff. |
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In all your communication with
others, try to follow the advice Polonius gave to his
son, Laertes, when the latter was preparing to leave home for the first
time:
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