Sometimes it's a poignant piece. 

Sometimes it's something uplifting, inspirational. 

But funny or poignant or uplifting or inspirational, they have one thing in common — they all look like hell. 

So I started reformatting them. Picking typefaces. Adding graphics. Laying them out in a visually interesting way. When I was done, I would send them to friends in their new form. And then people started asking me for copies. 

Weeeell, it got to be expensive after a while. Getting stuff printed usually is. So I hit upon the idea of putting the stuff on the Internet. Now, if someone wants a copy, I give him/her the related URL instead. He/she can then take a look at it, and print it out if he/she wishes. 

Now, what you will see on-screen is more or less the same as the original in some cases. Not in others. I won't get into why. It's not important. Only the content is. 

Sooooo, here's one of them. Enjoy! Enjoy!

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 

Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen. 

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 

Do I look like a freakin' people person? 

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 

I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left. 

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. 

My life is a bottomless pit of needs and wants. 

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 

Does your train of thought have a caboose? 

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 

Let me show you how the guards used to do it. 

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. 

A PBS mind in an MTV world. 

Allow me to introduce my selves. 

Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer. 

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? 

Adults are just kids who owe money. 

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? 

Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 

Hmmmm. VChaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. 

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. 

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. 

I plead contemporary insanity. 

And which dwarf are you? 

I refuse to star in your psychodrama. 

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. 

Meandering to a different drummer. 

I'm not tense. Just terribly alert. 

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? 

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.