Sometimes it's a poignant piece. 

Sometimes it's something uplifting, inspirational. 

But funny or poignant or uplifting or inspirational, they have one thing in common — they all look like hell. 

So I started reformatting them. Picking typefaces. Adding graphics. Laying them out in a visually interesting way. When I was done, I would send them to friends in their new form. And then people started asking me for copies. 

Weeeell, it got to be expensive after a while. Getting stuff printed usually is. So I hit upon the idea of putting the stuff on the Internet. Now, if someone wants a copy, I give him/her the related URL instead. He/she can then take a look at it, and print it out if he/she wishes. 

Now, what you will see on-screen is more or less the same as the original in some cases. Not in others. I won't get into why. It's not important. Only the content is. 

Sooooo, here's one of them. Enjoy! Enjoy!

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. 

All generalizations are false. 

Cover me. I'm changing lanes. 

I brake for no apparent reason. 

Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control. 

I'm not as think as you drunk I am. 

Forget about World Peace.Visualize using your  turn signal. 

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smarts? 

He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 

It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. 

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. (signed) Dorothy. 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. 

I love cats. They taste just like chicken. 

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

Forget the Joneses, Keep up with the Simpsons. 

Born free. Taxed to death. 

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 

Rehab is for quitters. 

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. 

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I just let him sleep. 

All men are idiots, and I married their King. 

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. 

Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 

Montana — At least our cows are sane! 

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 

  Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. 

  If you don't like the news, go out and make some. 

  When you do a good deed, get a receipt just in case heaven is like the IRS. 

  Sorry, I don't date outside my species. 

  No radio. It’s already been stolen. 

  Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. 

  Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. 

  I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 

  Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

   OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? 

Few women admit their age; fewer men act it. 

  I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. 

Don’t tell me to “stuff it” — I'm a taxidermist. 

  IRS: we've got what it takes to take what you've got. 

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students. 

Gambling is a tax on the stupid. 

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. 

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. 

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill. 

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. 

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. 

Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from? 

How can I miss you if you won't go away? 

Warning: All the dates in the calendar are closer than they appear. 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. 

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. 

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 

i souport publik edekashun. 

Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home some day. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. 

Why is “abbreviation” such a long word? 

Ever stop to think and forget to start again? 

If you don't drive better, I'm going to shove that cell phone up your behind. 

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! 

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk. 

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? 

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. 

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! 

Don't get me angry. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. 

Do you realize that you're depriving some poor village of its idiot? 

Save Your Breath. You'll need it to blow up your date! 

Grow your own dope. Plant a man. 

All men are animals. Some just make better pets. 

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. 

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? 

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. 

Hang up and drive, you idiot. 

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. 

Five out of every four people have trouble with fractions.