Sometimes it's a poignant piece. 

Sometimes it's something uplifting, inspirational. 

But funny or poignant or uplifting or inspirational, they have one thing in common — they all look like hell. 

So I started reformatting them. Picking typefaces. Adding graphics. Laying them out in a visually interesting way. When I was done, I would send them to friends in their new form. And then people started asking me for copies. 

Weeeell, it got to be expensive after a while. Getting stuff printed usually is. So I hit upon the idea of putting the stuff on the Internet. Now, if someone wants a copy, I give him/her the related URL instead. He/she can then take a look at it, and print it out if he/she wishes. 

Now, what you will see on-screen is more or less the same as the original in some cases. Not in others. I won't get into why. It's not important. Only the content is. 

Sooooo, here's one of them. Enjoy! Enjoy!

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would the new company be called Fed UP? 

You know, I believe that five out of four people have trouble with fractions. 

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then what fool came up with, “Quit while you're ahead”? 

There are two kinds of economic forecasters — those who don't know and those who don't know that they don't know. 

I wonder, do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? 

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. 

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me —  they're cramming for their finals. 

I once thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks. So I wonder what Chinese mothers use — toothpicks? 

It seems to me that there are three kinds of people — those who can count and those who can't. 

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do — write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? 

I want to start a procrastinator's club. But I never seem to get around to it. 

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of  portraits by Picasso. 

How much deeper do you think the oceans would be if there were no sponges living there? 

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. 

If it's true that we're here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? 

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS. 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 

Clones are people, two. 

Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turn out OK. 

No one ever says “It's only a game,” when his team is winning. 

As I said before, I never repeat myself. 

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 

Did you ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 

You know, nostalgia just isn't what it used to be. 

How do you like my new bumper sticker: “Think 'Honk' if you're telepathic”?