is the greatest — and most outrageous — collection of puns I have ever seen. They came to me over the Internet, and I pass them on to you with the hope that they'll cause your teeth to gnash as they did mine. So enjoy! enjoy!

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned; I just couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef, figuring that it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have the patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as an historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I retired and found that I'm perfect for the job.