2. Mind everybody else's business. This will ensure that you'll neglect your own.

3. Make no plans. Have no goals. Trust to luck for everything. Keep sitting around waiting for something to turn up.

4. Be sanctimonious. And when you bungle things, say that it was God's will. Or that you're just too kind for your own good.

5. Never be original. Find out what everyone else is doing and do the same.

6. Make up your mind that you've nothing more to learn. This will ensure that you'll be able to remain mired in your present state of misery for the rest of your life.

7. Diligently practice being rude to people you deem to be inferior or less important than you. Don't return phone calls or FAX messages from them. And don't answer their letters. The beauty of this strategy for success in business is that as you continue puffing yourself up with your own eminence, there will be fewer and fewer people worthy of your attention. Then, when you reach the zenith of self-conceit, there’ll be no one that you'll have to waste time upon. Which will be just as well, because there'll be no one left who will want to do business with you, anyway.

8. Sneer at those who are more successful than you. Convince yourself that they were just lucky.

9. Tell yourself that it's now too late to do anything with your life. And be sure to add that you never really had the breaks that others had. It will be especially helpful to keep persuading yourself that people have always been against you.

Think about it.